I am afraid, deep down, I think.

These words penned in my journal led me to put that down and go create something. To sit with that idea a little longer. I am afraid, deep down, I think.

Original images used, incorporating a few iPad apps in the process.

A few words I wrote down after looking at what I created

Maybe she is in a storm of indecision. So familiar. Familiar tones used. Familiar body posture. But she does make her way. Slowly, though it is hard to see where she is going. In part because of the environment, in part because she won’t remove the hair from blocking her eyes. So some of this is in her control to change. What will it take to get past this, to make it over this hurdle? Trying something and failing maybe.

Storm as a visual metaphor

I looked up the meaning or significance of a storm visual and found this interesting: A storm can indicate danger or change, or foreshadowing something terrible on the horizon. OR … it can be used to symbolize a cleansing or clearing … starting over. Much of the interpretation is based on the imagery and description the author uses for the storm event and the reaction of the people who endure the storm.

the reaction of the people who endure the storm

I ended reflecting on this image here, with this line. I really appreciated this perspective, how you react to a challenge, a ‘storm’, has some power in creating meaning. How true is this in our lives, in our every day challenges?

Insight

I sent the image I created to insight next. I like to see what AI generated images come back and consider any new perspectives that might arise.

I was most drawn to the last one, running up a hill. Yes! Action, start moving forward. Stop standing still. I have a beautiful skirt that looks just like the one here. I started to think about pulling it out and creating another portrait wearing it. But then, that is all so familiar. What if I just try something different instead?

Courage Meditation

Letting that idea linger, I did some yoga and meditation. The cue during the meditation was to use this experience as a laboratory, to let yourself explore and be gentle with the expectation that you achieve any certain thing, like feelings of courage. I relate so much to this perspective!

Be open, be gentle.

During the meditation I tuned out the narration after I had a visual of the image I created. I was approaching the girl with lots of care and love, then gently removing the hair from her eyes. So I could remind her of what she wasn’t currently able to see clearly. I took her hand and helped guide her forward. I thought of these Insight images. The hand reaching being those things/people that help us see when our vision is cloudy. With self-doubt. So before there is courageous action, there was another moment. A moment of clear sight, and a moment of support. So find it where you can. Sometimes you have to be the one to give it. But you draw from a collection of internalized figures or experiences that have been or are supports for you. And then you run.

Expressive Arts Therapy

Expressive Arts Therapy is a discipline of helping and healing that uses the arts as its basis for discovery and change. All five disciplines of the arts: visual, dance/movement, music, drama/theater, and writing/poetry can be used in combination.

I discovered Expressive Arts Therapy during a therapy workshop. And it made perfect sense to me! This is what I have been doing not knowing there was a name for it; combining photography, digital art, writing, and sometimes yoga, meditation, and music into something that felt healing. And importantly focusing on the process and what might unfold as I explore, as opposed to expecting a specific outcome.

In this case, incorporating yoga and mediation, I thought of embodied intelligence, which is one of the foundations of expressive arts therapy.

“The term embodied refers to the body-centered intelligence that informs one of what one knows and experiences in the environment … the body ultimately is a source of memory storage, emotions, and associations to oneself, others, and the world.” – Cathy Malchiodi, Trauma and Expressive Arts Therapy

I created another image using images I already had, taking in all of these pieces. How do you want to approach challenge, react to the storms? How do you want to deal with feelings of fear?

Soak up all the support you can. Then start running. Stretch yourself when and where you can, out of your comfort zones. Do not expect perfection, or even competency, in the beginning. Let failures be a guide.

I know you can do it. But can you do it with a smile on your face?